Another aspect is also how the individual responds to whatever environment they find themself. I would conjecture that what results in later development problems for one child doesn’t necessarily imply another child will have the same or any difficulties. Of course one can list extreme conditions, and perhaps no one would argue about such extreme conditions.

KW replies: most of the resilience studies done here in Hawaii have shown that as long as the child has had at least one positive/loving person in their life ( coach, scout leader, clergy, next  door neighbor etc) the ability to express a strength to seemingly overcome trauma or impoverished early life, not free of symptoms, but able to be a “good person” is greatly inhanced.KW John Price wrote: I also wonder about the preception of ‘abuse’ as seen by ‘modern’ standards. What we would call ‘abuse’ these days, was often either taken as proper conduction of parents, or even if not done, was seen as parental failure. I’m mystified as to how the entire human race could survive long enough to come to the conclusion that its entire parenting history has been one of abuse. So, I’ll claim that most, essentially all, a predominant portion of the population has the resilience require to ‘survive’ a broad range of ‘abuse’ however that’s defined. KW replies: I agree with you here John; there is a lot to say about social judgements on behavior of others as shapeing the knife of what is moral and correct in our society. I also think that it is the interactions between us that will write the narratives of future moralities, beliefs, expectations etc. It has been shown in many of the postmodern therapies that how we experience ourselves and think about ourselves is a social construction. As one of my teachers used to say; ” get 10 people to investigate for you. Tell 5 of them to investigate how dangerous the world is and tell 5 to investigate how safe the world is. Five will return with information of how dangerous the world is, and five will return with information of how safe the world is; it is up to you to choose because both groups are correct; so what are you going to choose; safe or dangerous; the choice is up to you of how you want to live your life; as the world being dangerous or safe?”KWNorm mentioned that he thinks trauma affects people even if they are not damaged by it.  I cannot see how this is different than other, non-traumatic experiences.  Everything that happens to us affects us in some way.

While the story below makes an important point, I find the metaphor problematic.  Someone who experiences difficulties and overcomes them is usually strengthened by that experience and gains a larger repertoire of techniques for coping with adversity.  A vase that is broken and mended will be less strong and more likely to break again along the fault lines.  If someone were holding themselves together superficially but fragile underneath, I can see them “breaking” under stress.  If someone did undergo long term therapy and managed to reorganize their personality, I think they would be stronger and better able to withstand pressures of life.

When I was working with parents of gifted children, I researched coping skills and stress because it was so frequently implicated in situations of suicide and substance abuse.  The research I’ve seen about stress says that children who are subjected to repeated stresses without support or to multiple concurrent stresses are more likely to have difficulty coping than children who have less stress.  However, children who encounter stress with support or manageable stress (not overwhelming to their resources) are able
to develop increasingly more effective coping skills and wind up more resilient.  The suggestion is that parents should not routinely protect their children from all stress but should permit them to experience negative emotions (with support) and handle difficulties themselves as much as possible while being careful to ensure they do not become overwhelmed.  I have seen some research that suggests that kids most prone to substance abuse are those who believe themselves unable to cope with normal stresses, who are intolerant of strong emotion in themselves, and who have poor coping skills.